By Gregg Farah
Ask the Expert for Guys

I hate myself and don't know what to do.

Crosswalk.com Teens Channel - Q. I had sex with a non-Christian girl and ever since, I've felt guilty and unable to talk to God. I hate myself and don't know what to do.

A. First, you've got to connect with God. God still loves you -- He always will -- and wants to help you through this challenging time. He also wants you to humbly talk through this with your friend. I'm sure she's just as confused as you, but this is a great opportunity for her to hear about God's love and His plan for sexuality.

Second, don't forfeit your future because of something you did in the past. If you do, you're living with "vain regrets," a useless attempt at trying to change the past. It can't be done. The past is history. The present, however, offers two choices:

1. Ruin another day because of yesterday's mistakes. (That is shortsighted.)

2. Take God at His Word that He will forgive you and help you. (That is the Christian life.)

In a previous e-mail on forgiveness, "How can I be sure I'm forgiven?" I shared HOW we get right with God. This time, I want to focus on the WHY question: "Why would God still love me after some of the things that I have done?"
That same question was probably asked by several Bible heroes, the Apostle Paul being one of them:

"Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal (perfection in this life), but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above." (Philippians 3:13,14)

What did Paul have to forget? Plenty! He was the religious fanatic who tried to destroy every Christian and Christian church he encountered. Once he became a follower of Jesus, how do you think he felt about his past actions? Guilty, I'm sure! But Paul realized his past was just that -- past (no matter how badly he wanted to change what he had done). If you cannot undo, redo or change the past -- even if you wish you could -- then don't allow your past to control the present or the future. Common sense says let it go.

Despite murdering Christians, God still used Paul to make a huge difference in our world. Paul still had to deal with consequences of his past. Imagine what it was like for him as a Christian to meet the children and the widows of the men he killed years earlier. Yet Paul was able to say that although he wished his past wasn't his past and that he could be perfect like Christ, he was willing to learn from his mistakes and focus on his future.

"Yeah, but Paul was a non-Christian when he did those things. How would God respond to a Christian?"

Let's look at the life of David.

David knew God. He loved God. He walked with God. But he committed adultery and had a man murdered. Did God dismiss David? No. Psalm 51 says that after nine months David got things straightened out and God restored him. It did cost the baby his life (there are consequences to our sin), but our failure is not permanent. Failure can result in big scars, but it is not permanent.

This is an important lesson because sometimes people believe if they walk around feeling guilty for yesterday's sin, it will prove to God how sorry they are. In reality, all they are doing is allowing yesterday's failures to paralyze today. And that doesn't bring glory and honor to God.

"I wish it didn't happen."

It did.

"I wish things were different."

They aren't.

"I wish I would have done things this way."

You didn't.

Don't ruin today because of yesterday's failure. Living with regret is not a sign of sincerity or maturity, it's actually a sign of immaturity.
"Well, that's just too easy. You don't understand. What I did was awful."

Was it any tougher than committing adultery with someone's wife and then having the husband killed to cover up your sin? Was it any tougher than scattering the church by destroying and killing?

God still loved these Bible heroes. God still used them. And God loves you and wants to use you. To live in the past may be human, but it denies, doubts, and forgets that God always keeps His promises. Take God at His word and live out the blessing of forgiveness found in 1 John 1:9.